Could any Dr. help me with fears of flying/heights? _{Page 7 of 33}

ok, thank you sameer
jenny

sorry one question.
calc carb seems to fit except for one thing...i have never been robust. in fact im the opposite, very hard for me to gain weight even when i try to.
does this matter?

Hi sameer.

I took calc carb 30c today...2 pellets in 150 ml spring water and 3 teaspoons spaced 30 mins apart. i ate a vegetarian meal about 30 mins after my last dose...it was a little more spicy than expected...

should this be ok? or should i start over?

Hi sameer.

Reporting on Calc Carb 30c

Overall since the dose i've been a bit better emotionally/mentally.

Positive things:
able to keep a positive attitude and go with the flow. not worrying as much. was able to loan someone money without feeling uncertain if i would get paid back. usually i have issues loaning money.

Only negatives mentally is that i was having insomnia, over-eating, not really caring about what i eat. but it didnt bother me overall, which is positive i think. Sleep was really choppy and i have no idea why. I was nervous over presenting an oral speech. shaky hands and voice, once done face felt flushed but relieved it was over.

Overall, physically, a little worse.

Positive things i noticed. I was able to meet a demanding work week without calling in sick. mental attitude remained pretty good even though i felt bad physically.

Negative physical things:
very achey. nose stuffed up at all times on at least one side. when i use neti pot to clear it i get sneezing attacks and lots of clear mucous comes out but it remains plugged up after. skin had small red patches. they stay at least a week. they are rough, small, they dry up and leave a whitish mark after healing.2 on chest, 1 on side where armpit and breast meet. acne not really improving as much as id like. lots of stuff underneath the surface with some large cystic ones occasionally. insane cravings for milk, wheat, sweets, rich foods, meat. breasts are tender and a bit swollen. its day 30 of my cycle-no period. my eyes have been so itchy they started to dry up and theyve become red, swollen, rough dry patches in creases and under eyelids. i have to put a thick moisturizer on them called aquaphor many time a day. helping a little bit. but it looks like ive been beatin up. my massage therapists say that my knots and ropes in my back are getting better, less knots, but the pain is almost more intense. i went running, i can only run a mile and thats with walking part of it. when i wake up in the night and cant sleep i am not fearful like before. but oddly enough i cant fall back to sleep easily. usually i sleep well thru the night and have trouble falling asleep.


hoping these are good signs.

let me know, thank you sameer

jenny

forgot to add my dreams.

they have been really weird, crazy and i hardly ever remember them now. i always remember my dreams. lately i remember them so early on....around 2-ish when i wake up randomly, but then of course i eventually get back to sleep and thats when i forget.

the only one i remember is that i had somehow broken my lymphstar machine-the one that helps me so much with breaking up congested lymph-- in the dream i was really angry and i felt like i had lost a sense of security. like what am i gonna do now i dont have $4,800 to buy a new machine. i blamed someone else.

i have been waking up alot even though i am extra tired this week from working so many hours and staying up late.

for example last night i didnt sleep until 1230am or 1ish but i still woke up a little after 2, and a little after 4 and one other time. there was only a couple nights that i actually had to get up in the middle of the night and do something else because i was laying for over an hour not sleeping.

How about the feeling that you have ruined your health ?

I think i will always blame myself for my health conditions, but lately i've been feeling a little hopeful. I don't know how i feel about my health at this point. I am just trying to function day to day and doing the best i can without thinking about it too much.

Also, how about the fears of dark/evil/being alone ?

I haven't given this much thought either. when waking up in the middle of the night there is less fear even when around 3:00 (i hate that time). but, half asleep, i will turn on the tv just to go back to sleep. but i dont dwell like i had before. However, when watching TV on this mile high futuristic city in Shanghai ...it showed people at very high heights doing construction. It didnt terrify me but man, i sure cringe at the thought of being that high up. what if there was a fire how would people get out. and then it made me think about people that jumped during 9/11. Being alone doesnt bother me as much as it had before. I am not clingy or demanding of my bf and we are getting along good now. Though i would like more attention from him i do not demand it.

How about the symptom of 'brooding over your condition in desperation of recovery' ?

as above, i haven't thought much about it. i was hoping i would break a fever or something like i did with puls 30c. i am desperate to get better but i am trying to be hopeful that it will happen if i am patient and go with the flow of things. i am trying to not control things and let them just be.

thank you. i will order today and let you know when i have it.

I wasn't expecting another anger outburst. but after i reported, later on in the evening, i became increasingly agitated with my nose, sneezing, that tickle that always makes u feel on the verge of sneezing wouldnt go away, nose ran and was clogged. This is what caused me to go into a rage during my staph dose. I was also annoyed that i couldnt get something to work properly on my computer. Perhaps circumstantial, not sure. day 10 was the day puls 30c kicked in and today is day 10 after calc carb. i was driving and became really really upset that the tickle/ sneezing/ rubbing/ itching would not go away. I started to cry and then got upset and screamed and then just sobbed on my short car ride over to my bf's. again i did all this by myself, when around others i just seemed irritable and annoyed to them, like i had an attitude. i think i will not do the neti pot anymore as this seems to really agitate my nose and sinuses. i thought it would help drain all the congestion, instead it seems to bring about symptoms i can not handle.

i hope this still indicates progress. i sensed myself slipping into a depressive state after this whereas before i had been in good spirit. after crying, and relaxing, i returned home and continued to try to fix the computer problem. i finally made progress, felt better after that, nose is less bothersome, just very plugged. can only breath out one side. the other is like its cemented off by a brick wall. pains wander and i know i am dehydrated but no thirst or desire for water.

just wanted to make note of this occurrence.

thanks sameer

it was puls without a doubt. but, i think these different remedies help with different things in different ways.

I can notice a sense of maturing throughout this whole process from the beginning of treatment with you. sometimes its unpleasant for me and i am still a bit changeable. this week i seemed less shaken, less changeable (aside from yesterday). I even start a new internship tomorrow. i dropped my college class because the teacher was a moron (words of another professor) and i was able to receive a full refund for the class. I plan to teach myself the same content. So, the effort to move forward has increased, and while still unpleasant for me at times, these outbursts i have seem to be a part of healing. its no longer sobbing out of being lost or confused, its more like a feeling i have to let it out so i can move forward, instead of internalizing it and looking to others to help me feel better.

PS.

Underneath all of my uncertainties and fears and irrational emotions...i know deep down I am strong. its almost like i don't WANT to be strong by myself. Its the alone thing again, and pretty much just a spoiled selfish attitude. When i let out a good sob, and scream a bit (which i didnt do for a long time before the staph dose) the outbursts are almost like a 'Little kid' me that just breaks down because stuff is hard. And then there is the 'adult' me that responds and says 'Hey, you are not a little kid anymore.' After an outburst i keep to myself. I become a bit more gentle, almost in a way... consoling myself. I'm so hard on myself. I have a lot of expectations out of life that ive had for so long and im just now learning to finally let go of that and just be happy with what i have right now.

sorry for rambling...i guess the point is...i am rational underneath all the irrational stuff...its just hard for me to block out the irrationalities that enter my mind. they've been a part of my life for my whole life.

thanks

should i cancel my order of calc 200c?

oh, cool u just replied...yes i have puls 1m with me still

ok, so i should cancel calc carb order? or no?

ok. i appreciate u very much. will report in 3 weeks, going to take it today.

No need for reply. I may post things in the next 3 weeks i think might be significant to the case as they occur.

Morning after taking Puls 1M: awoke with 99.1 temp. It went away quickly.

Same day: Odd pain in lower right back, a slow moving shifting in my muscle near the bone while i was sitting.

Very swollen breasts
Mentally pretty good, a tad on emotional side toward end of night.

another low fever this morning after taking a shower, just like yesterday, 99.1

Hi Sameer

Reporting 3 weeks after puls 1M dose


1st Week:

-the 3 days after taking it, every morning i would develop a low grade fever just after taking my morning shower. don't know if this was from calc or puls or something unrelated.

-my menses started after day 33. this is earlier than last months 36 day cycle. it lingered lightly but longer..lasting 6 days even though the last 2 days were very light. breasts were swollen a week before starting cycle.

-i was having very loose stools in the morning. diarrhea for a good week after dose.

-acne worsened, on face and chest-back acne has stayed away mostly, itchy flaky scalp, itchy skin, overall achy muscles, congested feeling--pressure and heat relieves this temporarily, eyes were still very raw and red, swollen.

-overall mentally i had slowly improved by the end of the week.



2nd Week:

-most physical symptoms remained, some intensified, but none went away.

-i have been working a lot more hours, the internship has turned into a real job now, which i love. I will keep both jobs.

-mentally i was pretty happy and good, feeling less dependent. perhaps felt a little lonely on one night but i quickly adjusted my feelings about it and look to positive things.

-overall, clear mental improvement this week.



3rd Week:

-from the 17th to the 20th i was feeling pretty happy and overall good and busy-- i didnt record any of my symptoms, no major changes.

-only negative mental symptom i noticed is that i seemed to have insomnia a bit at night. the days are busy and i like being busy. difficulties switching into relax mode. not for a lack of being tired.

-acne on chest improved this week, acne on face is lessening but still more than id like. more of a desire to pick at face on puls than on calc. after taking calc, acne was a bit better.

-overall much better mentally, a definite improvement. Even my bf and close friends have expressed happiness about the positive changes they've seen in me.


The dreams have been a bit different as well. One extremely vivid dream i had this week was me at my old childhood home. the house was empty and a killer with knives as hands was there 'sleeping' on my couch hidden under a pile of blankets, but i knew he was awake and so i went to find my mom. we looked for my dad's gun and i wrote her a note that read 'Let's kill him.' as to not wake him up. I went back to where he was to shoot him but he was gone. i then noticed my mom was gone as well. i went outside and they were there, he held her hostage. i aimed to shoot but nothing but gas came out the gun. the killer saw this and came walking towards me, i knew i was screwed. i kept trying to shoot bullets but he grabbed a hold of me from the back and i could feel the knives start to stab thru my chest. i remember thinking im gonna die and then i thought, i dont want to die and i wont let this happen. so i turned to shoot him where his mouth was open and the gas that came out of the gun was poisonous. it was the most dramatic ending of the killer dying in slow motion like a movie. i felt like this was a positive meaning even if it was a scary dream at first.

i also dreamed about my first and 2nd boyfriends which i havent done in a while. i spit in the 1st bf's face when i saw him. I could sense a strong dislike and resentment toward him in the dream.

i had a plane dream as well, again haven't dreamed about them in a while. i was in a small plane, nervous and screaming as the pilot made quick turns and dives. but i soon figured whether we crash or dont crash i have no control and to just enjoy as much as possible. after that, i was flying without a plane. and it was fun, just a small sense of nervousness and uncertainty.

i still wake up around 3ish am. only a few times it frightened me a little bit but i thought about other things and went back to sleep.


Overall, this remedy seems to be very helpful. I am still physically very achy and even today on day 18 of my cycle my breasts are starting to become tender. but, i do not feel mentally affected by this besides at times annoyed.

i keep thinking maybe ill break another fever like with the 30c dose. just because i didn't do that with this dose, does that mean anything?

Let me know what you think when time allows.

thank you Sameer.