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Could any Dr. help me with fears of flying/heights? Page 26 of 33

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Please wait without dosing for 3-4 days and then report back.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
hi sameer,

i was doing alright after my last post.

until today.

i've been overall pretty ok. run down energy, achy, but i still fit 30 hours of work in.

my breast were full and swollen ALL week!

break outs continued,

now i am somewhat emotional today. overall i just became a bit insecure of myself and my choices in life.

obviously my period is on its way, and i've had worse PMS than this, but still.. it's not fun.

Let me know if i can dose again.

oh yea, fevers, sinus congestion, headaches, severe back ache. i feel pretty broken all the way around the board but i'm still trying real hard to be cool.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
So, this breast swelling, what is the sensation ? When (in your menstrual cycle) does it appear ?

Describe this 'a bit insecure of myself' in detail.

I see a pattern of changeable moods in this entire thread ? Is that a fair observation on my part ?

How is your anger these days ?

What else is bothersome these days ?
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
hi sameer,

breast swelling, what is the sensation ? when (in your menstrual cycle) does it appear ?

breasts are tender to the touch, even when moving around too much. they feel 'full'. it has been happening a week before my period arrives. there are some lumps that are really tender, mostly above and around the side of breasts.

today is day 32 of cycle and i started spotting. cramps have been significantly less, but the breast swelling is more so. i usually have cramping before my period actually arrives.

describe this 'a bit insecure of myself' in detail.

i've been working hard at altering my mental thought patterns about myself. i've always been insecure, about my looks or just about myself in general, especially with my health. i've felt 'weak' since i've been sick. this started more so since 2007 when i moved back home. i'm used to being independent and brave and i think a lot of people view me that way, but a lot of the times i get insecure because i want to be doing more and i feel like i cant. i'm also more insecure in relationships with a person *I* want, like i fear that the kind of man i want will not want me. or that after a while i won't be good enough if they really get to know me. i've been that way since i was a child. always afraid of things, lack of feeling safe, and i guess i've always felt 'different' or unwanted/unloved. even though that is very much false. even now, i have like at least 5-6 different guys all claiming they want me to be their girlfriend or they want me around all the time and i basically don't believe them. or i think they only *think* they want me, but if they had to deal with me for a long time, they'd leave eventually.

on good days though (mentally) i am really proud of myself about my ability to handle this situation. it's just around my period, i start questioning myself about everything.

i see a pattern of changeable moods in this entire thread ? is that a fair observation on my part ?

that is fair. i don't know why i'm so changeable. it's gotten better, and i think people view me as really consistent. i don't share my feelings with others so easily. and when i do open up and i feel like it's not received i revert back to being pretty closed, maybe even more closed than before. i'm sure thats hard for you to believe based on my lengthy posts! i guess since i don't view you or this thread as someone/something that can hurt me it doesn't bother me.


how is your anger these days ?

anger is better. i got really irritable earlier in the week and i yelled at the tv when i couldnt get it to work. i laughed about it later, even joked about it with some people i talk to and they said the same thing, that they don't see me being the type of person at all to lose my temper. i don't do it in front of people. i used to, as a teenager and a child. but now i view it as something that doesn't really accomplish much. wasted energy. but... every once in a while, i yell in private, just because i feel like i'm trying so hard and being really patient and i feel like i'm spinning my wheels. it just gets overwhelming and frustrating at times, hormones don't help.


what else is bothersome these days ?

i don't feel like i have much reason to complain. i know i have complained, and it might even sound like in this post that i'm complaining, but i've been doing a lot of thinking and even though i have pain and fatigue and random mood changes, i understand its all a part of the disease that has taken over for the last number of years. for whatever reason i was born with a system that has fallen vulnerable to all of these issues, and i believe with the help of homeopathy, lyme treatment, and a lot of self reflection and change, recovery is most definitely a reality.

i'm more interested in learning how to find 'me' in all this and move forward, ill feeling or not. i've been this person for the last 26, 27 years that's been sick, and i would like to be someone else now.

i've been able to focus quite well on staying positive, but i've been a very scared, insecure, unsure person since i can remember.. i realize it's going to take time to retrain myself into feeling the opposite 100% of the time.


one last thing, my mom bothers me. im grateful for her and love her to death, but she really bothers me sometimes. i feel like she has a lot of mental issues herself that she doesn't even acknowledge. she had my older brother a year before her mom died suddenly in a car accident. she became pregnant with me about 3 months after her mom died. and then her dad who was much older (52 when my mom was born) died a year after i was born.

so, i dont know why my mom has her quarks, but i feel like she is very self indulgent and childish in ways. i dont think she knew how to discipline us kids at all when we were being brought up. and i guess i'd like to have more discipline. she spoiled us and i dont feel like she taught me anything. thats what parents are supposed to do in my book. so while i'm trying to teach myself how to do that, and stand on my own again..being around her is kind of annoying at times. at times i feel like the parent. sometimes she agrees.

i'm sure she only annoys me because i act the same way she does to an extent.


anyway.. i'll cease the ramble.
[message edited by jenny57401 on Mon, 10 Oct 2011 04:18:47 BST]
[message edited by jenny57401 on Mon, 10 Oct 2011 04:27:37 BST]
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Please take 3 doses of Lac Caninum 30c spaced by 2 hours, in 250 ml water, and report after 1 week please.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
out of all the remedies we've gone through, this one describes the things i find it difficult to describe.

i've always felt 'abused' from a very young age, but i never had a reason for where that feeling came from. i wasn't ever physically or sexually abused so i often felt guilty.

i gravitated toward friends that had troubled childhoods because i felt their pain and wanted to help them.

i am very much looking forward to the effects of this remedy. the others have been helpful but i feel like this one may help me turn the corner.

thank you sameer
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
also, i had my dates wrong on my grandmothers death.

Grandmother (mom's side) suddenly got killed in car accident August 1982.

My dad's father suddenly died in August of 1983, of a heart attack.

And then my Mom's Dad died a few months after I was born around Feb of 1985.

Lot's of death in the family around the time of my birth. I know my mother was very angry about her mothers death, and she has a hard time expressing her true feelings. I am much like her in ways.

just wanted to add those clarifications. I will check back after my doses.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Glad to hear that you seem to think that you resonate well with the themes in the remedy. Let's hope for the best.

I hope you've not forgotten about the book royalties ;)
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Never! Don't worry my memory isn't THAT bad, ha. In fact, I hope to include you in an upcoming project. We will see how it all unfolds...
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Hey!

Just letting you know that I have the LAC CAN 30C, but I want to hold off on using it until AFTER i am finished with this short round of low dose antibiotics I've been on.

I finish up the med course while in Boston, so I will be dosing as soon as I get home from my trip around the 25th. Even though you had me on remedies during antibiotics in the past and i still felt the remedies effects, I just want to really give this remedy every fighting chance to work without being disturbed. I really feel like this might be the one that helps me turn a major corner.

I was just recently (not during the last few doses) put on Malarone, Azithromycin and Minocycline for the blood parasite, Babesia, to see how I react to treatment.

My periods still involve some mood flux ..BUT... I have had literally zero to minor cramps during my period. Most ladies would kill for this :)

Talk to you after my trip (Yes i am going in a plane by myself!!!)
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Congrats on the plane ride :), also before you take the doses talk to me, as if there are a lot of improvements from the past dose of Ign, then we might want to stick to it.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Hi sameer

I am writing from my car driving home from the airport. As you can see my plane did not crash :)

It was a bit of a stressful trip however. I didn't self medicate with alcohol or Vicodin so that's a step up. I had still quite a bit of anxiety that I tried to calm myself of.

Also during my trip I began to feel a bit insecure in life. In general. The person I was with I enjoyed being around a lot but then at times I wonder if he really liked me or if he was just using me. Like lac cad, I felt like he must be lying.

Again, I question all areas of myself and direction in life. I plan to focus my energies on laying out a better path and doing all I can to move forward without feeling bad over my feelings. I'm attempting to really like myself. I notice when the ones I truly like or have feelings for, I lose myself when I feel like im not good enough.

I think I'm ready to try lac cad. I'm off all meds. Just will be taking vitamins and acidophilus.

Oh, my skin cleared up on my face while there. My chest is still kinda ugh.

Thank you,
Jenny
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Just bumping up in case it got lost in the mix
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Go ahead with the Lac Caninum doses then.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Sorry I just realized you said 'spaced 2 hours apart' ....So 3 doses over the course of 6 hours? I'm used to spacing 30 mins apart, just want to make sure I understand correctly.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
3 doses will take 4 hours :) when spaced by 2 hrs.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
wow. adding lack of math skills to my symptom list. I swear I was in advanced math classes throughout high school.

thank you Sameer.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Hi Sameer,

It's been a week since dosing.

Physically:

- yeast infection exactly a day after dose. I usually never get these. I ran out of my acidophilus (was taking 225 CFU's daily) so maybe that is part of the reason why.

- craved ice cream and milk a few times

- acne got worse then better then worse. now it's mostly worse on my chest only.

- insomnia a few nights. then the last 3 days i was really really tired. I slept 11 hours last night only waking up briefly around 1 and 4 am.

- vivid dreams, but not really sure what they meant and didn't have time to right them down. now can't remember specifics.

- yesterday i had a clogged sinuses, then itchy, sneezy nose, clogged and kind of runny. felt like i was running a small fever.

-today after the sleep i had better energy, but still not as much as before my Boston trip. I think the excitement, diet and lack of sleep kind of set me back a bit.

Mentally:

- started out in very good mood.

- some friends came out of the blue with their disapproval of how I act as a 'friend'. i didn't feel guilty or bad about it. one of them is in prison (him and his brother are the only 'prison friends' i have, long story). he often used to get mad at me over me doing favors for him the 'wrong' way. i didn't get worked up over it, I just blocked his email, told him to never text me again and moved on with my day. by the end of the two conversations, I had been called a selfish B-word, cold hearted, etc. I'm really not that way, only to people who continuously expect my attention that haven't appreciated or respected me in the past.

- i also started to get a little down about someone i wanted to talk to not giving me the attention i wanted. After I got sleep (starting today) I decided that if they didn't appreciate me enough to make time, then I don't necessarily have to be available for them. And I'm ok with this now :)

So, overall... I was physically worse, mentally questionable and now i feel mentally much better today. Ready to jump back on the treatment wagon, with proper diet, exercise, sleep, etc.


Also, in January I will be going to San Diego to get all of my amalgam fillings replaced with non-toxic composites. So I'm looking forward to that.

I will await to see what you advise next.

Thank you Sameer
[message edited by jenny57401 on Wed, 02 Nov 2011 22:48:50 GMT]
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Jenny,
We should wait for 1 more week.
Sameer
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
It's been an interesting week.

It was the week leading up to my period. Swollen tender breasts since the 4th. Ovaries felt full and tender. Some minor menstrual cramps here and there (very minor).

I was mostly tired over the weekend. Procrastinated a bit but still accomplished.

Yeast infection went away after I started acidophilus again.

Acne on chest, but not bad on face until today! I made it worse by picking at it.

Yesterday I noticed my mood dip a bit at night, didn't sleep until midnight. I woke up almost unmotivated but I had 'a talk' with myself and mentally overcame my fatigue enough to get psyched for exercise and work

Since Monday I have kept up with exercise, study time, work, self treatments and rest! I told myself 'I'm going to work 40 hours this week...'

So far I've done 21 hours! I did take a dip in energy today and yesterday around afternoon but considering the amount of work and activity, my menstrual cycle and my condition in general, I'd say this is good!

I just started spotting end of today, with few cramps. It's day 32, so I'm right on time for me anyway.

I started on malarone again (5 days a week Monday thru Friday), azithromycin (3 days a week mon wed fri), and I start tindamax on Saturdays and Sunday's. All are extremely low doses. I'm also on some herbal anti fungals. My doctor, when I mentioned lac can, said that sounds more like me than all the other remedies I've taken since seeing her.

Usually meds can make me worse but I feel like its not that bad at all. This is the best I've been mentally before a period. The only bad moments were when I cried (bawled) at a movie scene. Was watching 7 Pounds for the second time. But then I watched a funny movie and was fine after that.

There was also a night where I was putting off sleep. I was afraid of being alone I think. But I forced myself to turn the lights off and lay down. I did have anxiety but I talked myself thru it and I went to sleep shortly after.

I guess I feel like I'm able to face my emotions and honestly deal with them. It may feel sucky at the moment and even unpleasant afterwards. But the point is, I'm doing it.

Even had a cool dream where I was a passenger in a vehicle with an old wise man. He was driving me home and we came to deep water in the road. Because of the size of his truck we couldnt pass on the actual road, we had to go around somehow. I guided the truck thru the water so it wouldn't get swept away. I was very calm and controlled and focused on just helping us get thru. I've always had dreams with water in them, and vehicles. Woke up feeling like I'm in better control of my emotional state :)


Let me know what you think !
Thank u!
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Excellent, we wait for 1 more week.

Please keep 200c at hand.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Still awaiting my 200c to arrive.

I got worse on Saturday over the weekend, but i also went on Tindamax (low dose) that is supposed to go after cyst form of lyme. It gave me a terrible headache and made me depressed. I confronted a situation (person) that I had been kind of upset over (because of lack of communication), which I'm glad I did (even though we aren't really talking now). But that's ok. I spoke my mind and it's not my fault if he doesn't know how to communicate in return.


I also worked 37 hours the week prior, that is a lot of hours for me! No wonder i had a private mini-mental break down. This was the week before my period even, usually fatigue is out of control along with emotions. So even tho I had a rough Saturday/Sunday... I can't say no progress is made.

My period was, again, w/ little cramping and regular flow.


Aside from that, I have been having weird vision issues off and on, and my chest is completely broken out. Usually my chest only gets this bad if my face is bad too, but my face isn't too broken out. I shower like twice a day, i'm exercising, i'm working 7 hours per day AND doing stuff like sauna and soaking in a hot bath.

I am pretty fatigued, but i'm still doing a lot. And I'm determined to not stop. I want to make enough money to pay some of my bills off and move forward. Only way to do that is to put in work and I'm tired of limiting myself just because I'm afraid I'll get sick.

Some positive change, but I feel a little crazy. Not sure what to make of it.

I'm gaining weight too! I'm up to 118 on average. A solid +4 pounds :)

My average before getting super thin was around 125-ish. When I get back up to 125 it will be a much healthier and stronger 125 than before.

I expect Lac Can 200c this week.

Thanks Sameer!

Taking my butt to bed...
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
hi jenny,

let's wait for 200c then.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Got 200c with me now.

My chest and upper back are still broken out. It's not like my skin is gunky from not showering either I shower/ bathe twice a day. It hasn't ever really been like this before


Mentally I am kind of hanging on by a thread for my sanity but I'm doing it quite well! I do get annoyed easily but im quick to adjust my attitude. Today i adjusted it with vicodin but i dont do that often. By the end of Saturday I'll have put in 40 hours!


I still get brain foggy and the other night after posting I cried after speaking to a friend. His 16 year old niece is so talented and for a minute when he was talking about her and showing me her many talents I felt a bit sad over how much time ive wasted since I've been alive. I know we aren't all on the same path. But I could t help but to be taken over by the emotion of 'what am i good at'. I just feel kinda crazy! I have a goal though, and I'm determined to reach it. I just feel like its time for me to move forward and waiting around for others to do it for me or being afraid to move forward isn't working.

I've gotten better at communicating with a little more care and trying to really listen to others instead of findin ways to get what I want from the convo. Just trying to give others what I want in return.


Will wait to hear your direction.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago
Okay, let's do the 200c dose, just 1 dose in 250 ml water (dissolve 2 pills), 1 teaspoon is dose.

Report in 10 days.
 
sameervermani 8 years ago
Hi Sameer

I don't have notes in front of me so I'll be relying on memory here.

Overall, physically, I got a little more run down. The acne on my chest back and face continued. It has recently gotten a little better.

The med I take on the weekends ( tindamax ) would usually give me terrible headaches and make me not want to do anything but lay. The weekend after taking 200c I got minor headache on Saturday and no headache at all on Sunday.

My body has been more tired, but I worked 37 hours. I didn't manage to stay all the way on track with my exercising but I'm getting mentally motivated to keep a better diet and focus more instead of wasting my time with idle nothingness.

I did not have many fevers. My temp stayed around 97-98 on avg.

My weight held steady around 118. This is a solid 4 pound gain.

The last couple days I've been pretty sensitive. A couple days ago iwas simply listening to pandora radio and apparently pandora thought I wanted to listen to a bunch of melancholy love crap. I let my mind go somewhere not so great, and I cried, not really sure what about. I think sometimes I just wonder if I know what I'm doing. I changed the station and went to sleep. Felt better in the morning.

The next day my dads very good friend died. I grew up knowing him he was a very good man. Selfless. I've found myself thinking a lot about why I do things, and whether they are selfish or selfless reasons. I know I've been very selfish all my life, even though I care very much about others. Recently I've been finding I do things differently. It's challenging to be consistent at it because I'm so used to being the way I've been. On one hand it feels good to be giving and not worry about if I'm being used, on the other hand it puts me in an uncomfortable position and old fears attempt to surface. I do good at talking myself out of them.

Overall, even with a few mental slides, I'd say I'm headed in the right direction. A more mature, self reliant, selfless me.


I had a biocompatibility test done ( to see what metals and dental brands I'm most and least reactive to ).

I'm highly reactive to Aluminum, Bismuth, Cadmium, Copper, Lithium, Mercury, Zinc Acetate, and Zirconium.

My almagam fillings consist of 47% mercury, 13% copper. And the rest is silver and tin, both of which I'm least reactive to.

I know when I was 17 and using meth, the last time I ever used I could see the lithium chunks left from the batteries used. I think that short period of just a couple months of drug use really messed me up. The chemicals that I didn't realize we're going into my body, the thought disgusts me. But oh well, it happened.

Also, I'm highly reactive to the composites (white fillings) that were installed. Z250 is the brand.

Anyway, the plan is to get as much as possible replaced. I know that will lessen some of the burden on my immune system.

Let me know what u think. My dr does want me on low dose meds for 4 more weeks. I'm taking all of January off meds while I get the dental work done.

Thank you Sameer.
 
jenny57401 8 years ago

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