Could any Dr. help me with fears of flying/heights? _{Page 18 of 33}

I didn't know I had vertigo?

Hi Sameer, reporting after 10 days on Carc 30c.



9/4- took dose in the evening.

before taking dose, i had an allergic reaction to the cat. a lot of people have been having bad allergies to things, i haven't been. just a little flair up around the cat but i hugged and kissed the crap out of her.

-noticing acne improvement from puls.

-also noticing the finer body hair growth.



9/5
-cough sounded like stuff was loosening
-muscous discharge out of nose
-looser bowels
-in bath tub, scalp itched
later in the day....
-kind of down mentally. i am changing my diet to gluten free and low sugar.
-feeling like i dont want to be around most people
-a little lonely, D came over and cheered me up but i took a nap afterwards and woke up feeling weird again
-restless, up until 1:00am.
-nose stuffy all day
-itchy eyes at times
-sneezy



9/6
-very irritable
-restless, snippy, annoyed
-depressed, wanting attention
-feeling like big failure
-small fever most of the day
-eyes itchy around cat


9/7
-less irritable, somewhat happy
-a little impatient but toned it down
-only was upset over possibly not getting health insurance approved. a little anxious but noticed my tendencies of wanting to control my situations.
-sore throat
-minor headache
-itchy after bath
-gassy
-actually craved water today
-brownish discharge like i was about to get period? (day 26 of cycle)
-some cramps but not very major
-breasts felt a little full after bath.
-popcorn twitches while in bed
-shortness of breath when getting up
-heart palpitations in bed


9/8
-pretty ok today, left work early to catch up on chores
-had 2 large bowel movements today plus 2 diarrhea movements
-temp was 99.9-99.5
-cleaned up house, threw a bunch of stuff away, reorganizing
-proud of accomplishments today
-acne is getting to be more on chest and face
-doing good with the diet. (also not drinking any alcohol or coffee anymore)
-heart palps, hard thumps again at night before bed.
-sometimes wanting light or tv on.


9/9
-fever 99.5
-shortness of breath
-shooting pains (minor) in ball of right foot in the morning when stepping on the floor (lyme/bartonella symptom)
-cramps (minor/dull)
-spotted again with brownish discharge (day 28)
-swollen breasts
-irritable at work when people talk and i try to concentrate
-zoning out, very tired
-sneezing


9/10
very busy today, worked 8am-6pm
-enjoyed the busy-ness. was only going to work until 2 or 3 to take it easy but stayed late.
-came home and relaxed, ate a lot of gluten free carbs. was having sugar cravings that i couldn't satisfy
-at night in bed couldnt get comfortable cuz feet were to hot covered up. had to leave them out from under the blankets.


9/11
-weird dreams but nothing frightening. just vivid.
-gas and little bowel movement in morning
-spotted a little bit again with brown discharge like im getting a period (day 30)
-went for a bike ride! it was a nice day and i haven't exercised in a long time. i miss it.
-ears got achey and itchy from the ride.
-came home and took a shower and gave myself a lymph treatment with my machine
-breasts still tender and full
-acne is much worse on face and neck. feels gross.
-overall, so far mentally pretty good. motivated and not too stressed.
-heart palps when laying down flat.
-sugar cravings


9/12
-light brownish discharge all day (day 31)
-breasts hurt
-today was pretty good. in good spirits. a bit tired though
-cooked a good soup for dinner (haven't cooked in a while either)
-itchy eyes
-sneezy
-acne is still very annoying
-temp is down to 98.0



9/13
-got period in the morning finally
-cramps were more intense
-sharp abdominal stabbing pain or like a knife twisting in my tummy, came and went, came and went for a duration of about 5 minutes
-LOTS of sneezing
-sneezed so much i got a throbbing headache
-achey neck and back
-itchy face, itchy all over had to leave work because my allergies were SO agitating.
-came home and laid down in the dark



9/14
-allergies a little better
-stuffy sinuses as usual
-had a dream last night about being in a hurricane, big waves.
-cramps weren't as intense today
-doing good with trying to stay away from most sugars
-eyes still itchy
-practiced a little yoga today, very very very tight muscles. back bones feel out of place.

overall, mentally was doing alright. im having apprehensions at night with the lights off and such. sometimes im ok with it but i have to talk myself into it and i have to be super tired. ive been staying up pretty late lately, around 12 midnite or so. also, sometimes the sight of a plane flying gives me a kind of dread, or when i thought of how my parents have to fly on friday to New York. Hard to explain, i guess. Some old feelings are just still there.

2 days ago i started taking chlorella and bentonite/psyllium seed drink. haven't taken any prescripts yet.

This week I told work I needed to only work 6 hours a day. have been feeling a little overwhelmed and i want to start adding exercise into my routine again but i need the extra time for rest and preparing meals.

Can't think of anything else, will wait to hear what you think.

Hope all is good with you :)

Jenny

the first few days of carc it seemed that puls was better. as the week progressed i feel carc was better in most ways. i kind of feel like its 'wearing off'

usually when im up for a while, up meaning positive, and in general fairly happy... well after a while i get tired of people. not all people, just most. or maybe its just me i get tired of.

an example, i am studying a certain subject and the originator of the subject material lives in India and has set up a free web forum to help students learn. well he seems to have favorites and some days he will answer my questions and other days he will email me privately stating 'your questions aren't suitable for the web forum'
I think to an extent he is full of crap and doesn't care for me because i've pointed out mistakes he's made. and i guess i take it personal because i genuinely want to learn the material from a humble position.

sorry for the vent, but its little things like that that can turn me around and discourage me after feeling like i've been making progress.

and then last night i had a dream where i was really really mad at a friend that i rarely talk to anymore. i dont know if that means im really that mad at her deep down or what. but it was kind of surprising.

Hello Sameer, 10 day report...
I have a feeling this one is not done working on me yet.

I took Carc 200c on Thurs. the 16th, Day 4 of my period. My flow was already well diminished to spotting the last 3 days. but it ended all the way by the 5th day.


9/16:
lots of cravings for sugar/carbs.
Overall was feeling pretty good but tired. was up till 2 am the night before


9/17:
still lots of cravings. the low sugar thing is not working too well for me. headaches/withdrawal type symptoms, minor irritability.

A bit apprehensive about planes for some reason. (on this morning around 6 am I drove my parents to the airport, they went out of town all week). The night before I almost had like a vision while awake of a plane crashing nearby. It was storming/raining out, it was dark around 10pm or so, and I heard a plane overhead louder than usual and then it went silent. my imagination went into overload thinking the engine went out or something and then there was a loud thunder boom and i thought it was the plane crashing. Of course it wasn't, but thats how vivid my mind was reacting.

Upon taking my parents to the airport in the morning I was almost nervous for them having to get on the plane, even tho i didn't have to get on the plane myself. When we got there I found out they had a jet plane instead of the usual small propeller planes, and so i was put at ease about that, and almost was wanting to go with them.



9/18:
pretty sore today, didn't drink much water and had carby stuff. cooked dinner, feeling pretty good mentally, feeling like a survivor. sometimes i feel my lyme isn't as bad as some others have it. my mental fog is still here but I am nowhere near as irrational as i was a year ago, or before the start of homeopathic treatment. mostly having major fatigue and body pains now.

scalp issues are also more noticeable, psoriasis in temples and other places on head. skin is so dry.

i weigh 113 lbs today, this is the thinnest I have ever been at this height. Even when i was using coke and meth for that month of time at age 17 I wasn't this thin.


9/21:
overall, ok mentally but verrrry very tired. needing caffeine just to get thru my work days and I only put in around 32 hours this week. Very achey in back and all over really.


9/22:
Started a few vitamins and supplements today. Just a regular multi-vit, vit C and B, calc-mag, psyllium seed powder, omegas from cold liver oil, and some 'green' pills (just basically powdered greens like dulse/chlorella/alfalfa).

Bowels seemed to move a little better than normal.


9/23:
Not sure how to describe my mood. I am letting go of 'friends' more readily again. example: I write by email to a friend who has been in prison for 9 years now. Long story short, I promised I'd do my best to help him and his brother's legal case and to just offer support as a friend. He always complains about how I say stuff or do something and always suggest how i could do it better or different. So whats the point of being friends then if you don't like HOW I'm being a friend?
At first i was a little bothered by it but then, kind of relieved. I guess along with accepting responsibility for my own life, I'm not letting anyone else place their issues on my plate of responsibilities.

i have been sooooo tired. but by the time bedtime rolls around, I wont go to sleep. Sometimes staying up until 12 or 1am. Also have been less at ease with turning lights and tv off. I wake up the next day extremely tired, but i grab either coffee or energy drinks and keep on going almost machine-like, but still able to offer humor and conversation to others around me. Its hard to describe. but at best...in my brain, i'm really really just tired of being sick.

bite marks on inside of cheeks. There is a sore on left side too on the inside. not sure if i bit that open or what.

out of breath all the time
dizzy upon standing and even got dizzy in bed one night after a massage.

feeling worse after massages now.

got that bar thing that you can hook into a doorway and hang from. I can't do a pull up yet but i got it to hang from by my hands to stretch out my shoulders/arms. when i do that it opens up the top part of my lungs that i must not ever use much and i react with coughing.

allergies and itchy eyes

sinuses completely blocked and then runny other times.

skin acne was improving but is getting kind of worse again. dry skin. itchy. most break outs are under jawline and on cheeks and chin, and i guess all over really. the worst is on the above tho.


I am zoning out a lot too. when I am supposed to be focusing on something ill just stare off and my vision blurs as if I'm looking thru what I am to be looking at.



Overall, I was happy to have the house to myself (aside from my brother who lives here too). I seem to be a whole lot more productive when on my own.
I spent 4 days of the week cooking for my little brother and myself. When my parents are around... I feel like they treat me like a little kid sometimes so it deters me from being in the kitchen at the same times as them, or doing anything in their presence, etc. They were not great discipliners in childhood, nor are they now. They pretty much let us do whatever we want and then at random -but rarely- complain if we don't do enough. I think they should just ask us...as adults...to help out if they need help. I plan to help out more now but its more because I feel like the productiveness helps me feel better about myself.

Happy that parents are back safe, but having them gone this week kind of allowed me to change how i feel about living here still. I'm on my way to age 27 and I just want to be healthy and out of this house able to work long enough to pay my own bills. I mean I could possibly do it, but it would be stressful in itself and I am supposed to be healing right now. Or at least thats what I hope is happening. Feels like I am just getting worse.


Ah, long post again.
Let me know what you advise for next step......

Thank you, Sameer :)
Jenny

PS.
I noticed this week (and in recent weeks) that I really have guilt if I can't work enough hours. I feel like i am letting my boss down and I don't like it so i push myself to work more. i don't know if this is good or not. I am the type of person that actually LIKES working if its a job i enjoy. Thats the worst part of being sick for me. in my mind I'm not debilitated but i FEEL extremely so. I don't know how to find a balance but i am trying to.

Hi Sameer,

I know it hasn't been a week yet but I'm feeling really bad mentally.

On Sunday I was fine, even extremely productive. I moved furniture around in my room to open up space so i can do yoga undisturbed. I went to a movie with my ex and had fun.

Yesterday, I was also Ok, until I got home and received 2 letters in the mail from my health insurance company.

The letters were dated last week when I got approved, and one letter stated that I am being charged for the two months prior during the time the company was *thinking* about approving me or not. I was outraged. The 2nd letter said they will not be covering any pre-existing health conditions since I had a gap of no health insurance for 3 years. This outraged me even more. I called the company and they are supposedly looking into it. The rep I've been working with locally says I have to cancel and reapply to have a new effective date.

I don't know if the money issue set me off or the fact that it prematurely looked like they health ins co. wont pay for a bulk of my problems since, even though I haven't been diagnosed with anything, i've been sick for over 8 years now.

This happened after work and i was set to go to my other job a few hours later. I tried to be cheerful around customers and for the most part I was. When the employee that I was covering for failed to show up on time I got mad all over again, and I just left the workplace. I'm sure the bosses didn't like that and I'm sure I'll hear about it at some point. I am so fed up with trying to cover for everyone and be a good employee when i feel this sick. I said I would cover even though i didn't feel good and all i asked is that they would be back by 7:30.

I wanted to go to the gym and sit in the hot tub (that closes at 8) because my legs were so sore it hurt to sit on the toilet or pull my jeans off and on. I went to the gym and I was too mad to even go inside so I left the parking lot and went home.

I was so mad I couldn't even talk to my ex without sounding rude when he came over shortly after that. I barricaded myself in my room to avoid talking to anyone else, but I managed to push away another friend via text.

I hate myself when I get like this. I start feeling like everyone is against me, I get paranoid of people and cant trust anyone. I get paranoid about the health ins company finding out about my illness, so much so I've considered getting a new screen name and starting a new thread here.
I push everyone away or avoid them all together and go thru it alone. i can't tell if i'm getting worse or better, i dont know what i'm supposed to be doing anymore. I stayed up till 2 am, writing, because none of my verbal communication made sense to anyone. i dreamed of many things but among it was a shoot out where i was being chased down by someone with a gun. my left eye is swollen in the morning. i hurt from head to toe. and today im still mad, sad and lost all at the same time, trying to figure out how i'm going to get thru a measly 5 to 6 hours of work.

Other symptoms:
constipation-had very large movement 2 days ago followed by diarrhea but nothing since then, really bad scalp, red flaky patches all over it, acne-forming large cyst like eruptions that hurt-one of them so large near my temple is why my eye is swelling up, restless but its only recognizable in my own head, jumpy from some noises.

Sorry so long, i just dont know what it means so i'm writing.

Hi Sameer

It's been 4 days since Puls, I noticed mental improvement the next morning after taking the dose.

Motivation returned. I've been feeling good about communicating with certain people, and for those that I don't connect with anymore or just not on the same page, i simply don't respond.

I feel like crap physically. Not comfortable at all. some menstrual cramps ...maybe ovulation. not sure. just achey all over my body. I am mentally good, so tired.

Let me know what you think.
Thank you very much.

Hi Sameer,

Mentally been doing alright. the only thing I'm not crazy about is the weird insomnia. not sure where this is coming from but its been going on for a while now. Its like I can't get to sleep until 12 or 1, even if I'm flat out exhausted. Last night i tried laying down at 8pm because I want to try to reset my head clock to start waking up at 6 am to exercise (nothing heavy, 20-30 mins yoga or so). So i exercised the last 2 days thinking i would get more tired.

I laid in bed half awake half asleep until 10 or so last night. Woke up at 1am, and woke up again at 4 am ..and I stayed awake from then on.

I have stayed away from coffee, but I drink 1 'energy drink' a day. its an organic one with stuff like gingko and other 'natural' things in it. It gives me a little zing to make it thru, otherwise I'm heavy and sleepy all day.

My bowels are moving better since I added a tsp of psyllium seed and more water in the morning.

physically, I'm tired. and I ache.
theres still acne. also having minor irritations over the stomach area on my belly that popped up. i ache all over as usual. just when i think i've worked on one knot, it travels somewhere else. not much different in the physical realm or mental realm either. except for the fact I am sleeping in the dark again tho. while on carcinosin I wasn't able to do that for a while.

I'd say the major difference since puls this time is I feel more motivated and pretty much completely ok with 'being alone.' I don't crave attention, I almost prefer that most people leave me alone so that i can stay focused on what I'm doing. i know one day ill be healthy. I am working on relaxing and laughing more, along with exercising, eating the right foods and really just trying to love up my body even though it drives me nuts why it hurts all the time. my physical has pretty much stayed the same or worsened minutely. could be from the physical strain of exercise.


Would it be ok if i start the 10 days of diflucan (100 mg)? 10 pills, 1 a day. The lyme doc said 10 days only followed by 2 weeks of bentonite clay and chlorella to get some of the candida under control. After that she advises a phone follow up so she can determine what she will suggest next.

Let me know what you think?
Thank you, Sameer.

to be honest, I don't know if i know what improvements are sometimes. i know its good that i can sleep in the dark. my dreams are still not always pleasant, but i brush them off. I am ok, motivated, and cheerful since back on puls, but is it an act. i keep tellin myself just climb this hill and even if its hard it'll be ok, you're almost there. and then i get to the top of the hill only to find out, i'm not almost there. more hills, or worse..flat lands. i don't even know where i am let alone which direction to go. all i know is i want to know. deep down i must've wanted a different answer from you because i broke down crying after reading the last post. im so tired sameer. i just want this pain to go away. maybe i am not a good poster, or analyzer. i try so hard to be positive that it seems like i downplay my anguish, even to myself. until i break down. and its the same thing that happens every time i break down. im jus so tired. i keep saying to myself over and over while bawling - i dont know. i don't know. im so tired. im so tired.

will take puls dose

It's more like a praying thing. Usually always when I'm crying. I just give up and I want some kind of sign of which way I'm supposed to go cuz I just don't know sometimes.
Other times, i talk to myself if I'm trying to remember stuff. I will repeat saying something so I don't forget, (or I write a note to myself) or when I'm trying to make things clear to myself so it sinks in. There's times i get confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing and i will talk myself thru stuff to rationalize or find logic.

I think the biggest issue I've been having is trying to make that decision of if/when I am supposed to draw the line between allopathic and homeopathic. My gut keeps telling me that I probably need at least a short term amount of allopathic care. But at the same time I don't trust my some of my decisions. So I go back and forth with myself until i break down like that and I don't know what else to do but pray. I wanted to give you 6-7 weeks like you suggested because I strongly believe this care has been helping my emotional state, even though i started crying yesterday. Breaking down like that is followed by some type of clarity for me, or learning. So ultimately I think its a good thing. I feel like thru all this I've learned so much about myself that I don't see myself losing that even with short term allopathic care. But then I also think 'but Sameer knows more about homeopathy than I do' and 'Robin knows more about Lyme than I do' so i doubt myself on what to do.

The emotional issues on Carc I wanna believe was a type of brain herx of lyme die off. After it wore off, I mean it really lead to me making better decisions in general. At least I think so. I just don't know where the lines are.

I slept last night from 1030-6 am and back to sleep until 8am. This morning I was quiet at work. Getting less quiet but still contemplative.

I took dose this morning as you recommended.

Shall I report after every dose as I have been?

This is end of day 4 from the last dose.
I've been 'ok' mentally. Not good physically.

I tried stopping all caffeine and coffee drinks today. Was extremely tired and bad headache developed that wouldn't go away with sleep. So I had a small amount of coffee to try to help that. Didn't really work.

I want to give up caffeine all together so I'm going to try to keep going. I think drinking it gives me a false sense of feeling alright because it sustains me throughout the day.

Will dose tomorrow unless you advise otherwise.

Thanks Sameer

Hi Sameer,

It's been 3 whole days since dosing, but I don't see me improving by tomorrow. If I do I will let you know.

Maybe it's because my period is coming, maybe it's because I quit coffee and energy drinks on Monday, or maybe its remedy related, I have no idea. I've been pretty irritable and overall annoyed with people lately. The only positive note i have on that is that I've been pretty decent at hiding it. At least I think I have been.

I didn't go to work on tuesday because of the bad headache from no caffeine. I could've handled it, the pain, but I was feeling unsettled and agitated underneath that I didn't want to even attempt to put on a smile for everyone at work. I just wanted my alone time. In fact, these days I'm almost happiest when im alone, but i'm also saddened that it's gotten to this point where I feel like i can't function as a normal person around 'regular' people without feeling abnormal.

Physically, ok I rode a bike and did some yoga poses one day. I enjoyed the fall weather and was genuinely quite content. but then i get around people, and their ways of eating, their ignorance of my disease, i just get annoyed. One guy I know asked me to hang out and party. I said UMM, i don't drink? He said to come anyway, but I was too tired so his reply was, 'Wimp'.

My thought was, dumb***? I wasn't even offended. If he only knew the pain i deal with quite friggen graciously day in and day out, he couldn't touch my tolerance.

So unlike my usual reactions of blowing up, I just ignored his comment, and I ignored him along with any of his future attempts to talk to me. I've ignored a lot of people or have kept very much to myself. Usually I wanna prove to someone how stupid they are but I didn't even feel the need to explain to him why I thought he was. He's so stupid that he couldn't possibly realize how stupid he is!! It's not their fault they don't know things that pertain to my life. And it's really not anyone's job to know. If people want to be a part of my life, I welcome them. But my tolerance and patience for people and stupid comments in general is really really low. Maybe I'm just as stupid as them, I don't know.

I'm still sleeping in the dark, but im still experiencing insomnia. I slept from 8:30 - 3am and couldn't fall back to sleep until 5am.

Another weird thing, I'm dreaming of my disease now where i never did before. In one dream, I could see some image of my heart and the infestation of bacteria colonies in it. In another dream, I could see in my bowel movement a whole bunch of undigested food. Maybe I'm too obsessed with getting better. Maybe I'm thinking too much. I dont know.

I've finally made a decision to take the 10 days of diflucan either tomorrow or over the weekend. Part of me still wants to wait for your reply to start but I just am already so irritable I'm curious to see if I get worse mentally while on it. Sorry, I've really really really tried to hold out and be positive in hopes of a jump towards major improvements. But I'm in too much pain and too curious, I hope you understand. If you want me to take anything in conjunction to that please let me know, I'm still open to whatever you suggest, I just can't keep ignoring my instincts.

I will be monitoring closely to see if I get worse while on the diflucan. Won't be sugar coating anything in my reports to you.

Thank you Sameer.